I return to my Blogg after a dream I had the night before last where I had travelled back in time to the time of the Incas. The dream was red with blood as I was given a beating heart to hold in my hand. As I held the heart a voice proclaimed "When your heart it open it cannot be broken".
This brings me to the book I have been reading ~ Shambhala: the Sacred Path of the Warrior ~ in which Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche speaks about the Warrior becoming more open, breaking out of the cocoon where we hide/ we wrap around ourselves for protection from the difficulties of daily life. He speaks of Heart of Sadness. This deeply felt sadness arises from the realization that the world is not an easy place in which to have an open and loving heart, that there is much that is incompassionate and cruel here. The alternative to this sadness is shutting down and remaining ignorant of reality. Since courage is required to avoid this shutting down, maintaining the Heart of Sadness is the act of a warrior.
I have been focusing my attention recently on my 'cocoon' and how I have excluded experiences, feelings, people ~ in fact I have excluded myself.
The following night I dreamt of again being in the land of Incas ~ this time in the present day on the borders of the wilderness. I had booked into a hotel room. It was night and I had the desire to go out into the wilderness. As I looked out of my bedroom window a pack of Wild Cats were waiting for me ~ their prey! My desire to go outside was not because I wanted to die but I wanted to experience Wilderness in the full.
To include means embracing all that is and all that is ~ is God/dess. Looking beyond the concept of Good or Bad.
Wilderness is not good or bad.
And to include Wilderness ~ that would shatter my ego.
That is what I crave and that is what I fear.
Since returning from my break to my friends wonderful small holding in Wales. I have intentionally prayed to the God/dess for me to remember my heart connection to the Wilderness.
My ego sometimes lets go of it's grip and my heart is allowed to beat it's drum. I see a shimmer of the God/dess ~ Wilderness. It is beyond what I could have imagined.
Including in letting go of my grip is acknowledging that I am totally responsible for my experience. Sometimes I can get it ~ mostly I find myself rebelling and slipping back into running the stories my ego needs ~ at best putting the responsibility of my experience outside of myself on others and at worst blaming others for my experiences.
Including leads to a vast wilderness. Not a sterile landscape.
And I return to the question how I can touch wilderness while living in a city?
Is the Divine ~ God/dess craving to know his/herself through our creation?
Through my dreaming can I touch God/dess?
Can I dare to awaken when I am not dreaming?