Monday, 11 July 2011

Tender and Beautiful Heart

Remember you are Magical. You are Unique.


I am searching for a way to commit to living life. Being alive.
I have the luxury to be able to say this. As I am not struggling to survive.
I want to have the expansive heart to appreciate this life. As Chogyam Trungpa describes; a raw, tender and beautiful heart.
Is it possible not to question every moment as if waiting for an answer, that is either an apology or an enraged rejection. I believe it is.
Can I bare not to question the struggle. Cherish the challenges in life that carve out this twisted shape, hiding secret chambers, each one sounding a unique note.
And so in my job I use the word 'resilance' to parents of children who want more and more and more, of what they are not sure.
Tonight I watched a dramatization of the life and work of Vincent Van Gogh taken from his letters to his brother. It seems to me that he struggled his whole life to feel a deep connection. A validation that made sense of his world. Where his aliveness was not rejected. Where he belonged.
I yearn for a continuity. I yearn for community - as did Vincent. And when community is forgotten I find myself lost within a crowd. And so I treasure my own space where I cut myself off. Running away. Far away from everyone else. From myself.
As I reflect on life being change. Each moment passing. The one life line is Spirit; that pulses in our bloodlines.
When we all die from this life our voices shape the music that creates the vessel this earth. Without this continuity it seems to me that the desolute isolation that Vincent felt, can only increase as we see our disconnection externalized in the loss of our environment.
As more of our wilderness disappears more of our senses dull. And so we rage on and the fires spread deep in the earth, stripping our woodlands bare. We are lost. Paths dissapearing. The earth melting our shoes. Peeling our ashen skin back, to smiling bare shining white bone.
Our nostrils full of smoke. In our desperation to touch earth. Unable to breathe. Unable to sing. We limit our capacity to live. We limit our capacity for empathy.
If there is a Devil this is it. Hopelessness. Addiction. Seperation. Violence. This Devil a shadow puppet hiding a face full of tears. An ocean of tears, where upon floats so many ships, full of lost souls.
Dare we look upon this our Devil?
Rather than being overwhelmed is it possible to deeply feel?
Sensuality. Celebration of life. To be fully awake deeply sense the world.
As a child the breeze brushes against soft bare skin, feeling each tiny hair vibrate. Feeling the tempeture rise or fall. Catching smells diverse, rich, dark, light, delicate, raw. Beautiful. Creating space. Connecting time. Connecting memory.


"There is unlimited sound, unlimited sight, unlimited taste, unlimited feeling and so on. The realm of perception is limitless, so limitless that perception itself is primordial, unthinkable, beyond thought."


So this being fully alive is a lack of seperation. And with this I imagine comes a deep awareness of responsibilty. A deep love. Beyond conflict - 'Drala'

"One of the key points in discovering drala principle is realizing that your own wisdom as a human being is not seperate from the power of things as they are. They are both reflections of the unconditioned wisdom of the cosmic mirror. Therefore there is no fundamental seperation or duality between you and your world."


Shambala - The Sacred Path of the Warrior by Chogyam Trungpa.