With the sun bright and brilliantly hot today I sat in the park with two friends as the near by fitness club blasted out dance music. We asked surely this must be painful for them? Hitting pounding their eardrums their bodies? But why do people do this? How can they hear the music when it's so loud?
A child is born into this world wanting to be loved and to love. That is our natural state of being. A child can only thrive through food from the heart. Look what food we are feeding our children. Drinks from plastic bottles filled with fluorescent coloured drinks layered with artificial ingredients manufactured from laboratories.
And so I ask how can people enjoy and call these experiences as healthy and nourishing. Could these be in fact symptomatic of di-sease with oneself and others. Could these be in fact addictions where natural responses have been silenced. For everything is vibration. Is sound. So many are choosing noise.
For me it is a challenge being with honesty and compassion for those are two main tools for healing. And are of the Heart. One could say but surely this should come so easily? Surely, it is our natural state of being to be able to be honest with ourselves and others. To love ourselves and others. To have empathy for ourselves and others. To be able to feel and not numb ourselves from ourselves, from each other, from life. To in fact fully embrace and be in Life. Be in Love. For I often reflect on how powerful an open heart is when I am met by the gaze of the tender vulnerability of an open child.
If a child is brought into this world experiencing neglect and/or abuse from their parents. A child will find this not only confusing but also life threatening. And so the child builds layers of defence against this threat. The bigger the threat either in frequency or volume then the child will need a defence of equal power to protect against this threat. This defence a child builds in order to numb against the pain. Parents after all are more powerful. The child is totally dependent on their parents. And so we learn these mantras ~ "Parents must be right". "Parents do not lie". The child must survive. Survive in order to be fed food for their bodies as well as their hearts.
We learn how to behave from our parents. So we grow up into adults with our parents inside us. If we had healthy parents these internalised parents would be affirming and positive. Not fearful. We would have a sense of security along with freedom to explore. And those parents would not overshadow but be integrated into our own adult selves. Supporting us to be our unique selves while at the same time having an experience of belonging and inter-connectedness.
Because it is our natural state of being to want to heal. People search out people to play out the same story or similar stories which fit nicely together. In the attempt to heal the original patterns and wounds. But the problem is that we are not always aware of this process and it can be incredibly painful to be shown our own negative behaviours/patterns. For those defences kept us alive. And instead we can get stuck in reliving the past. Reinforcing the story of blame and shame. Of fear.
So the defences from childhood become tangled up in who we think we are. What we think others want. We then add to those knots believing the knots will hold us together. Binding making us strong. Some knots have hidden knots inside them. Some knots have incredible textures and colours. Amazing patterns. For they must be cunning, devious and delicate. Distracting us from revealing who we really are. Distracting others. We continue to lie to ourselves that these defences are not hurting us. Because we are stuck in defending from the original hurt. We are stuck on repeat. With the terrible truth that knots breed causing more hurts. We continue to label co-dependency as loving others and ourselves. As the saying goes we tie ourselves up into knots. For fear if we pull on one of those threads what will hold us together? .
I am reminded of the line in Peter Gabriel's song Signal To Noise ~
"yet there's still something in my heart
that can find a way to turn up the signal
wipe out the noise"
It can take courage to be honest. It is vital that with that honesty comes compassion. And for some this can be a life long journey to unpick those knots and threads. For if those knots took years in making that span generations. Then it will take energy, focus, commitment, time and care to for healing. For this complex story has woven many together. When we heal ourselves we are supporting others in their healing. Our knots can also be their knots. Even in our darkest of times when feeling isolated and defeated. We are 'in this together'.
I would also reflect and wonder at how much I have learnt from my healing. How much understanding I have of others in pain. I would give thanks for this healing. I would give thanks to the people who I have asked to join me on my journey. As I now know that they came into my life to heal themselves and me. With this thanks I realise there is forgiveness that is all encompassing. And I realise more and more that through this healing I have been gaining knowledge which is supporting others on their path to healthiness.
Finally I end this post with Ho' opononopo the ancient Huna Hawaiian forgiveness practise to "set right," release karma, and cut any cords of pain of debt that in fact go back generations. I send out this prayer:~
I am sorry
Please forgive me
I love you