Ancient Spirit

And so I move on from the Secret Garden where you will find me wondering in Ancient Spirit ~

elizabethrudwick.blogspot.co.uk

Blessings Hail and Farewell until we return

"Indigenous people are indigenous because there are no machines between them and their gods. There are no machines barring the door to the Spirit World where one can enter in and listen to what is going on within at a deep level, participating in the vibration of Nature. Where machines speak in place of gods, people are hard put to listen, even more hard to put to vibrate with the realm of nature"
Malidome Some 'Ritual, Power, Healing and community'.

Aluna - Heart of the World - Kogi Tribe - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnLX9pdKuEg

Transmutation

Doonveragh Mountain Village County Sligo Ireland in May 2013

Never under estimate intuition. I have been asking myself how can I support Healing of toxins both personal and environmental - as for me both are interlinked for we are part of Nature and not separate and sitting on my shelf was just the book 'Medicine for the Earth' by Sandra Ingerman.

Sandra Ingerman sites various miraculous Healing of both individuals and environments. And she links the areas that I have been passionate about including Alchemy, as key to her model reference to Healing. The Spiritual journey of the Alchemists was physical and metaphorical. So the Transmutation of Lead to Gold symbolises the Healing journey. Gold being union with the Divine. All our journeys are to connect with the Divine in us all. And I have been underlining nearly every sentence as someone who resonates - for at times I find it is needed to have another's experience, voice with eloquence - to reflect and even at times validate. Like a bell being sounded. I am reminded - I am where I am meant to be.

Sandra refers to working with communities to purify polluted waters. Which is one of the reasons I have been drawn to read this book. Given my focus on Balcombe and the Anti-Fracking Campaign. I sincerely pray that we won't have to be Healing the Waters at Balcombe. Though many waters of the world has already been polluted by Fracking. And so I ask myself to remember that I will be called to work with individuals and the environment when it is meant. There are times where people with specific skill sets are needed. It's great to see references to Doreen Valiente to Malidome Some - both who I have loved reading. More people involved in Healing are now moving between the different worlds/models/traditions/teachings of Healing. Here's a quote from the Introduction:

"In ancient times ordinary reality and the nonordinary realms were not separate. The gods and goddesses roamed the earth, hence the stories of their human and spiritual forms spoken of in Egypt. But now the veils between the worlds are closed. We are so out of touch with our own beauty and essence that the illusions we believe are clouding the truth and our reality has become murky. It is time to reopen the curtain and again call the spiritual realms down to earth so that we may clearly see the perfection in all things. We must once again access the spiritual realms and divine power to create miraculous healing. As Albert Einstein said, 'Mysticality is the power of all true science'.
According to  Hindu legend, we are living in the time of the Kali Yuga, a dark age for humankind. I believe this darkness refers to when the veils between the worlds are closed, separating us from the divine and the spiritual realms and therefore separating us form our divinity. Herein lies the 'fall from grace'. The fall to grace will come when we once again link with the spiritual forces that create magic and meaning in our lives. This connection will return to us the harmony necessary to transmute illness in ourselves and our environment'' p9-10

The photo that I have been drawn to link this posting with is very dear to me. On visiting this Village I was given a profound opening to the people who lived there. I was given a vision facilitated by an Elder from that ancient Village. The energy was of a high clear vibration and the people thrived so much so there were so many living in close proximity which I found extra-ordinary! I could hear all the laughter of the children and the ease this many people were able to live together. They lived slightly separately from others local to the country then and, were highly evolved and self sufficient. Living at oneness within Nature and Spirit. They were and still are guardians of the Land and are proud standing tall and are cautious about allowing people access to their world beneath the Veil. The main Elder showed me a spiral in such a passionate way I was quiet surprised. "This means everything" was all that he said. And so they are very much connected to the Land and this realm. I was therefore extremely honoured to be gifted with this experience. The people at Doonveragh were connected with Knocknarae Cairn which I also had a profound experience in which I was able to experience as Sandra describes - The Goddess walking the Earth. And believe me I do not say this lightly but most humbly. And because my experiences were so Divine it has taken me a little while to post them on this blog. I write this while I am still letting these experiences evolve & unfold - still not yet fully understanding their significance.

Knocknarae somtimes called Queen Maeves Cairn - 

County Sligo - May 2013

Link to the brilliant channelled book 'The Sidhe' by John Matthews http://www.scribd.com/doc/55539049/3/Gornasheen

Hyena Calling

Spirit of Hyena came on the last day of the SIH 2 Year Healing Course. At first sight I was gripped with Fear. So strong was the emotion I knew this was for real. For I acknowledged shame and disgust that has imprisoned me. I lifted the mask of misunderstanding. And Hyena's gift was to show me how in those almighty jaws lined by teeth, the power to devour bone to transform death. The phrase came to me 'bone crusher' and I realised the Hyena medicine was powerful one for a Healer. In those same jaws they hold their young delicately and so I was given my bloody heart beating. And so the feeling was swiftly replaced by Love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ni6yu1OCgks
 - Growing Up Hyena with Kevin Richardson

http://www.theguardian.com/books/2012/jan/20/author-author-john-burnside

Lost in Translation

It has been some considerable time since I wrote in my Blog. And that too was at Full Moon. And I choose to check in on the day after the last teaching day of my 2 year School of Intuition Healing (SIH) Course. I will roughly have 1 month till the practical exam and then...well new beginnings.

I have found with studying with SIH that the mechanics of working Spiritually and psychically are explored, defined and given clear instructions on 'how to'. The process is de-mystified. Tools are sharpened up. This deepens the experience. Making the Healing more specific, acurate and profound. And this I realise goes against the approach in many esoteric schools - especially ones which have degrees of initiation. For the teaching that is shared in the SIH is about making Spirituality and Healing accessible to more. And it does not make the 'magic' less. Which I think is the fear many would have of this approach.

I found myself yet again, after the class trying to explain to another student that Shamanism did not mean just working with Nature, Earth, Elementals etc. Shamanism is working with all realms. That in my understanding from my explorations; what is taught at SIH and other Spiritual/Psychic contexts - following on from the teachings of Alice Bailey and/or Madam Blavatsky (19th C and 20 C Western Esoteric Schools), is in fact a remembering, a reclaiming, an evolution from what was practiced and known in Ancient Shamanism to the present day. Of course I cannot prove this hypothesis. I can only say that I experience this from a 'knowing place' and from my own memories from Past lives. Also from what I have understood from my various investigations - books I've read on the subject and indigenous people who are Shamans who I have met and have shared their own ancestral beliefs and traditions.

This evolution is I think necessary. And I believe as does Carolyn Myss; that many more people are now being called to be Healers - and I use that term in a wide sense to include people who are artists for instance or people who embody their Spirituality in their interactions in the wider world/contexts in a range of roles. And many of those people are living part of society. They have jobs and families, children etc. And slowly bit by bit more people are exploring different Spiritual approaches. I think as more people expand from the limits of the Head space to a more expansive Heart Space - then we all will have less need for divisions/boxes/labels. I haven't yet met another student at SIH who has explored or experienced Shamanic context or WitchCraft like me. However, my fellow SIH students are interested, curious and open minded and I try to share my understanding. Which at times can be a challenge as I can struggle with translation. As I did tonight with my fellow students Guide. But this experience was an expansive one. And gave me a further appreciation and understanding as to what resonates with me. It is good to be stretched so we grow as we move beyond our comfort zones.

Underneath the Hunters Full Moon

"When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandise the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful." Barbara Bloom.

Underneath the Hunters Full Moon.
I crouch cramped freezing around the smoking fire.
My drum skin taught tight
Only a harsh sound will it rasp.

Unsettled Souls entangled in their fright fight
Against the night.
I share the hurt of my heart for a mother's love.
For me. For herself.

So this is love.
Grief that was never allowed
Until now.

No longer wishing to be haunted
It is time to forgive.
And so I am my mother's daughter.
I am me. Not her.

Underneath the Hunters Moon.
I am the Hunter and the Hunted.
I am lips parted baring teeth white
Sharpened by the night.

***

May all Souls find Peace.

The voice of my heart

 Oct 2012

Death is not in the nature of things; it is the nature of things. But what dies is the form. The matter is immortal.  ~ John Fowles

"Heidegger, the twentieth-century German philospher, clarifies this paradox. He preposed two models of existence: the everyday mode and the ontological mode (from onto, "being", and the suffix ~logy, "study of"). In your everyday mode, you are entirely absorbed in your surroundings, and you marvel at how things are in the world; whereas in the ontological mode, you focus on and appreciate the miracle of "being" itself and marvel that things area, that you are.
There is a crucial difference between how things are and that things are. When absorbed in everyday mode, you turn toward such evanescent distrations as physical appearance, style, possessions, or prestige. In the ontological mode, by contrast, you are not only more aware of existance and mortality and life's other inmutable characteristics but also more anxious and more primed to make significant changes. You are prompted to grapple with your fundamental human responsibility to construct an authentic life of engagement, connectivity, meaning, and self-fulfillment." p33-34, Staring at the Sun by Irvin Yalom.

Could it be possible to experience life as part of Death and Death as part of life in everyday. That in fact in embracing the other/diversity one does not loose individuality. Could this be what some describe as the third way? A uniting of the everyday with awareness. Some would call this blaspheme. For Spirit  would not appear to be locked away.    

When we face our mortality we become mindful of being. We become aware that each moment passes. As each cell is born it will die. To be replaced by another. As it is not possible to hold onto each breath. We all will reach that moment of our last breath.

Living in the city it is hard to remember the connection with the cycles of life. No longer is food dug from earth or meat an animal killed.

Still I find myself naked as I wander through the forest. Winding. I follow the root, the branch, the rustling leaves, warmth of earth and smell of green. Some would call this a dream.

“Whether we realize it or not, we are all dreaming the world into being. What we're engaging in is not the sleeping act we're so familiar with, but rather a type of dreaming we do with our eyes open. When we're unaware that we share the power to co-create reality with the universe itself, that power slips away from us, causing our dream to become a nightmare. We begin to feel we're the victims of an unknown and frightening creation that we're unable to influence, and events seem to control and trap us. That only way to end this dreadful reality is to awaken to the fact that it too is a dream - and then recognize our ability to write a better story, one that the universe will work with us to manifest" p1, Courageous Dreaming by Alberto Villoldo

Another strand is loosened. I unravel. All those knots stitches that pulled me together. Shaped into being. I am falling apart. Asking who the hell or is it heaven on earth am I?

And so I realize that my mind is small. Fearful. It has been telling me stories of the ultimate fear in death. Being lost.

"But to be a person means to be faced every minute with the decision to live or die, to accept the invitations for more vitality or to decline them out of fear or lethargy". p35, Dark Nights of the Soul by Thomas Moore.

I begin to realise that my mind fears the unknown which is life. Being alive. Being with possibility. Being with beauty. Being open. Not in control. Being with the infinite that exists outside and inside.  To celebrate diversity. To value life. To dare to crack open the heart. Some call this Love. Some call this Divine. Some call this being alive.

It with this connection I frame this passage between the picture which gave birth to colour ~ And my new birthed drum made with blood earth. Dragon blood. Held by the wisdom of Yew and Beech. Witnessed by two magical gatekeepers of the Crafting in Spirit ~ 'Shamanic Druidry'

I call this the voice of my heart

Cornwall

 

Zennor

 

Mousehole

 

Barbara Hepworth Garden St Ives

Cadair Idris

with child eyes wonder we see in every day

sound                reach               we                        sky                       we              for                of
        of      sky           for       so    remember     to      with       mouth     fly    fish    we    born   water
             rain                   earth                     look               open                like             are   
                 
                   
                            

Ho' opononopo

With the sun bright and brilliantly hot today I sat in the park with two friends as the near by fitness club blasted out dance music. We asked surely this must be painful for them? Hitting pounding their eardrums their bodies? But why do people do this? How can they hear the music when it's so loud?

A child is born into this world wanting to be loved and to love. That is our natural state of being. A child can only thrive through food from the heart. Look what food we are feeding our children. Drinks from plastic bottles filled with fluorescent coloured drinks layered with artificial ingredients manufactured from laboratories.

And so I ask how can people enjoy and call these experiences as healthy and nourishing. Could these be in fact symptomatic of di-sease with oneself and others. Could these be in fact addictions where natural responses have been silenced. For everything is vibration. Is sound. So many are choosing noise.

For me it is a challenge being with honesty and compassion for those are two main tools for healing. And are of the Heart. One could say but surely this should come so easily? Surely, it is our natural state of being to be able to be honest with ourselves and others. To love ourselves and others. To have empathy for ourselves and others. To be able to feel and not numb ourselves from ourselves, from each other, from life. To in fact fully embrace and be in Life. Be in Love. For I often reflect on how powerful an open heart is when I am met by the gaze of the tender vulnerability of an open child.

If a child is brought into this world experiencing neglect and/or abuse from their parents. A child will find this not only confusing but also life threatening. And so the child builds layers of defence against this threat. The bigger the threat either in frequency or volume then the child will need a defence of equal power to protect against this threat. This defence a child builds in order to numb against  the pain. Parents after all are more powerful. The child is totally dependent on their parents. And so we learn these mantras ~ "Parents must be right". "Parents do not lie". The child must survive. Survive in order to be fed food for their bodies as well as their hearts.

We learn how to behave from our parents. So we grow up into adults with our parents inside us. If we had healthy parents these internalised parents would be affirming and positive. Not fearful. We would have a sense of security along with freedom to explore. And those parents would not overshadow but be integrated into our own adult selves. Supporting us to be our unique selves while at the same time having an experience of belonging and inter-connectedness.

Because it is our natural state of being to want to heal. People search out people to play out the same story or similar stories which fit nicely together. In the attempt to heal the original patterns and wounds. But the problem is that we are not always aware of this process and it can be incredibly painful to be shown our own negative behaviours/patterns. For those defences kept us alive. And instead we can get stuck in reliving the past. Reinforcing the story of blame and shame. Of fear.

So the defences from childhood become tangled up in who we think we are. What we think others want. We then add to those knots believing the knots will hold us together. Binding making us strong. Some knots have hidden knots inside them. Some knots have incredible textures and colours. Amazing patterns. For they must be cunning, devious and delicate. Distracting us from revealing who we really are. Distracting others. We continue to lie to ourselves that these defences are not hurting us. Because we are stuck in defending from the original hurt. We are stuck on repeat. With the terrible truth that knots breed causing more hurts. We continue to label co-dependency as loving others and ourselves. As the saying goes we tie ourselves up into knots. For fear if we pull on one of those threads what will hold us together? .

I am reminded of the line in Peter Gabriel's song Signal To Noise ~

"yet there's still something in my heart

that can find a way to turn up the signal

wipe out the noise"

It can take courage to be honest. It is vital that with that honesty comes compassion. And for some this can be a life long journey to unpick those knots and threads. For if those knots took years in making that span generations. Then it will take energy, focus, commitment, time and care to for healing. For this complex story has woven many together. When we heal ourselves we are supporting others in their healing. Our knots can also be their knots. Even in our darkest of times when feeling isolated and defeated. We are 'in this together'. 

I would also reflect and wonder at how much I have learnt from my healing. How much understanding I have of others in pain. I would give thanks for this healing. I would give thanks to the people who I have asked to join me on my journey. As I now know that they came into my life to heal themselves and me. With this thanks I realise there is forgiveness that is all encompassing. And I realise more and more that through this healing I have been gaining knowledge which is supporting others on their path to healthiness.

Finally I end this post with Ho' opononopo the ancient Huna Hawaiian forgiveness practise to "set right," release karma, and cut any cords of pain of debt that in fact go back generations. I send out this prayer:~

I am sorry

Please forgive me

I love you

Thank you.

Paul Nash at Kew Gardens

Kew Gardens

Spring

Bumble bee drunk
collide into flowers

Body drench with pollen.
Queen Wasp Jaws snap

Stripping wood for her new nest .

Worlds within Worlds

Recently discovered cave in Vietnam is massive beyond description.

An entire forest is growing inside.

Song

drink in the waters of life

swim in the ocean of blood

to rise
fall

to fly so deep

in fire

towers burn white

wings beat inside thunder

break open

heart
bones

shatter to the wind

angel dust

Picture by Lynzi Wildheart
*

"those who took neither side

when Lucifer and the Trinity

fought ~

those angels,

noble and worthy,

who were compelled to descend to earth

to this same stone"

The Grail Legend ~ The Grail as Stone. p 150. E.Jung & M-L Von Franz

"The vessel is always One, and it must be round

like the vault of heaven so that celestial influences

can contribute to the work. It is also often called a matrix or uterus,

in which the filius philosphorum is born,

and at the same time it is, in a mysterious way,

identical with its contents. For instance, it is simply the aqua permanens itself.

Mercurius is 'our true hidden vessel, and also the Philosophical Garden

in which our sun rises and ascends."

The Grail Legend ~ The Grail as Stone. p142. E. Jung & M-L Von Franz

Letting Go Letting In

I have planned many journeys. Bought the guide books, heard the stories. Analysed the ordnance survey maps. Gazed on photographs. I have believed the weather forecasts trying to hide from rain. I have imagined that only certain parts would challenge me. That others would be more beautiful. I have assumed that if not marked on the map it would not exist.

Dancing between desire and fear to be open to discovery and surprise. The biggest surprise time and time again is realising that though I have chosen to walk a path. I in fact cannot know what I will feel. What I will learn. What I will experience. 

I can set out wanting to find bluebells only to find an abundance of yellow flowered gorse followed by not one or two but four blisters. Or in my fear of the urgency of a horse wanting to speak to me ~  I would be lost having to walk a main road instead of a wooded path. With blisters burning hot as I felt so alone as I realised I had walked miles in the wrong direction.
Finally I would arrive at my destination, a bus stop with the growing realisation that I had learnt about listening. Listening to my fear instead of running so that I could speak and hear the horse. That I could talk with my body so that the blisters did not burst and did not burn with too much pain.

Each of my journeys have had such surprises. A richness. Bitter and sweet medicine that has healed those parts which I need to let go of. Those parts which I have cherished. I have learnt that abundance can only exist if it has space. Where there is life there must be death. Beginnings and endings. It is all part of life. And so it is with sadness and joy that I reflect on my last journey. With the realisation that with every exploration and discovery I cast away the maps, the books, photographs and shed the old stories. And I learn again to walk bare foot on the earth.

Cadair Idris

And so I return, once again from the mountain lake formed from ice.

To drink in ancient memory.

To listen to the Song

Distant soft thunder like bees.

To drink in the nectar of a million stars.

Birthing and dying.

To see the depths blue black dive into Sky.

To touch the light swimming buried deep

reflecting so bright above.

To stare into the guardians bright yellow Eyes

 Masked white by sea bird face.

At once fierce clear and soft, paddling on the water or soaring in the clouds.

In sky's clear blue or sharp black with rain.

Their calls cry shot arrow from the winds.

To shelter beside tender violet flower heads, barely nodding

Silently solitary sheltering in the edge.

I wake alive

Skin to earth

Bone to stone.

Breath to water.