Becoming Ferrell & remembering ~ I too like this Land have lost parts of myself

Mistletoe

A holiday postcard circa 1900 from wikipidea

Yesterday evening 5pm misty cold London evening, while being swept along in London Bridge train station crowd; I overheard a woman on her mobile complaining about her friend being 'bah humbug'. I exclaimed to myself 'just coos I don't celebrate Christmas don't assume I am being a 'kill joy'. Ah ha me thought ~ an opportunity for change. For healing.
Like many I have found this time a challenge. It is reminder that I cannot force fit my childhood family into the 'perfect ideal' pictured in Western Society's idea of Christmas. So I have felt lost. Left out in the cold. I have spent Xmas on my own for over 20 years, years I have tried to block from my memory. Far from a time of celebration of being with loved ones a time for appreciation and sharing. I have found myself facing the cul-de-sac labelled 'what is wrong with me'?

And despite feeling envious this has not stopped me appreciating others sharing the joy of each other ~ giving and receiving, nurturing, celebration, gorgeous food, Light and Fun.

But what i don't 'get' is the commercialisation and the ever increasing sell sell of expensive gifts ~ especially for children. There is the pressure to conform to an idea of how a family is to be.

I wonder if I had a different childhood and family would I be thinking the same? Or would I be focusing on the preparations. Looking forward to being with my family even though they do get on my nerves! It would be within acceptable annoyance. And the positives would out way the negatives.

So, I do not want to be linked with 'bah humbug' though I struggle with my own loss of that warmth at this time of dark and cold. Instead of remaining conflicted I begin to realize that yet again as I walk on the edge I have choice. No need to drown in the waters of shame. Nor do I go along with others or 'societies' expectations. I am working on choice. What can, and do I want this time to be. What can it be. So, little by little I dare to be more present. Open to possibility. Because I have loss means I can appreciate so much.

Today I brought mistletoe which is hanging in my doorway. For 2 years I have had a growing awareness to this magical plant. So I choose this as an opportunity to connect more with the 'medicine' and spirit.
Mistletoe's name is anglo-saxon in origin ~ 'mistle' means dung and 'tan' is the word for twig. So mistletoe means dung-on-a-twig (1).
"Shakespeare referred to it as the 'baleful Mistletoe', from the Scandinavian legend the Balder, the God of Peace, was slain with an arrow made of mistletoe. He was restored to life of the request of the other Gods and Goddesses and Mistletoe was afterwards given into the keeping of the Goddess of Love, and it was ordained that anyone who passed under it should receive a kiss, to show the branch had become an emblem of love, and not of hate." (1)
There are various myths such as linking Mistletoe to birds as some believed it grew from birds dung or that due to it not growing from soil it was heaven sent. Many believe it was sacred to the Celtic druids and some believe it was used in shamanic practices. Neither plant or herb. In between ~ a gatekeeper between the worlds.
"Basically: The mistletoe does not care for earth or sky, it grows the way it wants and lingers outside all rhythms and laws of terrestrial growth. Some examples: it does not care for day or night, top or bottom, summer or winter, laws of gravitation, linear laws (spatial extent)." (2)
The name also apparently means "the one that heals everything" (3) ~ powerful medicine in deed. Mistletoe's Medicinal/Remedial Properties and Lore are many: Antispasmodic, cardiac, cytostatic, diuretic, emmengogue, haemostat, hypotensive, narcotic, nervine, stimulant, tonic, vasodilator. (4)
"In 50 C.E., the Greek physician Dioscorides wrote his Materia Medica, establishing himself a place in medical history. As one of the ancient world's most knowledgeable herbalists, Dioscorides found that mistletoe helped cure his patients of external tumors. He wrote that it “has the power to disperse, soften, drawing and assisting tumors of the parotid gland and other lesions…” Some forty or so years later, Pliny the Elder wrote of the treatment of sores and epilepsy with mistletoe in his Natural History. He also described its use in magic and ritual" (4)
In the 1920's Rudolf Steiner became interested in Mistletoe and since then has been used as treatment for Cancer. According to Steinerhealth.org various studies have shown Mistletoe to have several benefits in the treatment of Cancer. (5)
It's magical properties include drawing love, protection and banishing evil spirits. Not surprising then it is meant to aid in peaceful sleep. (6)
Mistletoe from my investigations I realize, has been and remains powerful; still integral to so many's ritual even though not everyone might be aware of it's healing properties or its links with myth, history, folklore and spiritual beliefs. It is linked with Winter Solstice ~ the Pagan New Year. Time to remember and celebrate new life.

So for me what can I celebrate. I am not out in the cold. I am no longer homeless either physically or emotionally. As the shortest day draws near I remember the richness and abundance that lies warm in the dark earth. I am reminded of the abundance in my life ~ so many gifts that are part of me which I share with others, the rich memories that have given birth to dear connections and shared loves. So I give thanks to the gifts of Mistletoe that aid me in my dreams of past, present and future. I acknowledge and ask for ingenuity, strength, endurance protection, abundance, creativity and love.

(1) http://www.cancersalves.com/botanical_approaches/individual_herbs/mistletoe.html
(2) http://www.mistel.at/mistel/mistel_en.htm#Einführung
(3)http://www.vitasophie.com/mistletoe.htm

(4) http://paganwiccan.about.com/od/yulethelongestnight/p/Mistletoe_Myths.htm
(5) http://www.steinerhealth.org/programs/cancer-treatment/
(6) http://www.shee-eire.com/Herbs,Trees&Fungi/Herbs/Mistletoe/Factsheet1.htm

Learning to Listen

Blackthorn ~ Prunus spinosa

Over the years I have been learning to listen to where my attention is drawn. This can come through any of the senses. I have also found that not only are my senses drawn in a particular direction but this also accompanies a strong desire or attraction. It can feel akin to feeling hungry, to having a nagging thought that doesn't go away or wanting to listen to a particular piece of music. When we have those desires hopefully we don't dismiss or ignore them. I have learnt that so many gifts come from including these messages.

This late August into early September I have noticed Blackthorn with their blue/purple berries ~ otherwise known as sloe which can be made into Jam, Wine or a health tonic. Why had I not been aware of this tree and their fruits before? Unfamiliar they looked edible and I had a strong desire to eat them. But I thought better not... Just in case. I put my curiosity aside. However, the curiosity grew into fascination and I kept seeing more. I looked the tree up and identified it as Blackthorn. On my return to home I searched some more. And as I found out the properties of Blackthorn realized that there is a reason why I was drawn to this tree at this specific time. And I am thankful that I have learnt to listen to those messages. Years ago these messages were more often a faint whisper and infrequent. Now they come louder, more diverse and as such are not out of the ordinary.

I have trusted in my process of listening. However, I have found in today's world this way is not so easily trusted. From school I was taught that to learn meant memorising other's interpretations and quoting them in order to pass the tests. My own interpretations were discouraged especially if they did not fit. Schooling was not about learning to perceive, to be inquisitive, to ask questions. It was about becoming memory banks. Unfortunately I found this also carried on into Art College where only certain styles and philosophical approaches were acceptable.

It is a delicate balance between following, learning tools, techniques and being prescriptive. We now have an abundance of books that illustrate the ways, whys, because, hows, whens etc. We have increasing number of competing workshop leaders who offer courses that lead to certifications. It is wonderful that there is so much choice, experience, knowledge and more acceptance of Esoteric, Metaphysical, Alternative Spirituality and Pagan fields. However, I would also add that an over reliance on following a style of learning which is more 'painting by numbers' can stifle the magic and mystery to discovery of each person's unique individuation process. There is a danger of our own selves and process being lost in the experts experience.

In the past I too often found that I became lost in anothers journey resulting in feelings of intimidation and inadequacy. When entering anothers neatly summarized presentation of their journey we don't see the full process that person underwent. We might not realize what wonders of creativity lies in our Secret Garden that follow the dark nights of our soul. Getting lost is part of the journey, in fact is a necessity. To quote C. G. Jung " The right way to wholeness is made up of fateful detours and wrong turnings". For me a wise teacher is one that does not live by this old model of delivering lots of techniques, tasks, models and theory ~ that can prove their value. But who facilities space for others to explore and be held in that process. Many are speaking of 2012 the year where many will awaken. I believe this is about acknowledging where we are already. It is not the few leading the many.

Learning to listen for me is about discerning. I have found that I frequently discard layers of mis-information so that I can tune into the deeper messages. Is there another voice that says eat some spinach and not more chocolate?! Or "Cross to the others side of the road NOW!" which happened to me twice where upon not listening I was set upon by a gang and harrassed by another the other time. Now when I get a voice out of the blue ~ I must remember to listen! I felt confused by my fascination for this tree. What part of my response could I trust; with its dark twisted bark and huge thorns with shiny blue berries and deep glossy green leaves. I felt a feeling of being held through connecting with it's sturdiness, resilience and tenacity. Were the berries ripe to eat? Would I need to cook them? I needed to be respectful in my approach. If this tree was person it would be like an old man with short temper when his words were not listened to carefully. With many wonderful stories while sitting smoking his pipe by the fire-side his pockets bulging with old stories of mysterious paths and wonders hidden amongst rock, bone and wood. His old eyes sparkling in the dim light full of life and vibrancy. His stick hard as rock ready to beat back any scurrilous stranger. As his smoke created strange shapes around his face his laughter cracked inside the fire stirring the embers. He could be seen simultaneously sitting at the fire that was slow burning while at the same time sitting on the cliffs edge watching the sun rise and fall. Easily overlooked and misunderstood by many who are in too much haste and impatience.

Blackthorn is the brother tree to its sister Hawthorn. Feared because of it's nature. It's magical medicine can be seen through observing it's apparence and it's medicinal properties.

Blackthorn the first to flower before other trees and whose berries are last to ripen in Autumn. The thorns if you are cut by them can become septic. The wood is extremely hardy. Blackthorn has many medicinal properties and which include boosting the immune system as well as being a cleanser/purifier. Sloe berries are very tonic bitters. They are astringent, and stimulate the metabolism, clean the blood, and are used as a laxative and diuretic. They help with indigestion, eczema, herpes, allergies, colds, catarrh, neurosis, weak heart, kidney stones, skin, bladder, and prostrate problems. They disperse toxins.10 In 17th and 18th Century, sloes were brewed as a purgative to treat “fluxes in the belly.”(The Spirit of Trees, page 187)“The fruit and leaves of Blackthorn contain tannins, organic acids, sugars and vitamin C. Steeped in boiling water, the flowers have a mild diuretic, tonic and laxative properties. The dried fruits are used to treat bladder, kidney and stomach disorders. The liquid from the boiled leaves can be used as a mouthwash for sore throat, tonsillitis and laryngitis. It is also good for circulations, blood strengthening, and nutrient absorption.” (The Wisdom of Trees, page 127)

Green Man Tree Essences: “Blackthorn - Circulation. Helps absorption of energies necessary for life. Stabilizes emotions. Brings hope and joy. Stimulating.”

“The leaves can be boiled into a decoction that, once cooled, is an excellent mouthwash and gargle for those suffering from tonsillitis or laryngitis. It can also be used as a soothing eye bath. A tea made from the powdered bark has a calming effect on the nerves.” (Celtic Tree Mysteries, page 166)

"Blackthorn is a guardian, keeper of the shadows, holder of the darkest secrets." "Helps us to bring light where there is darkness." (Tree Angel Oracle, p56)

Sources for Magical, Health and Healing Properties found in:

http://www.druidry.org/

Tree Wisdom by Jacquellne Memory Paterson

Tree Angel Oracle by Fred Hageneder & Anne Heng