Waking up from the Dream

Four experiences.

I was late for work. 30 minutes to be precise. At the top of my roads mini hill, I got off my cycle as I had decided to walk the narrow passage way between the school fence and high wall. Where upon I noticed at the entrance of the path a brown mass moving. It looked sticky with leaves stuck on the top. I stopped and bent down. A huge Toad. Now believe it or not. Even with all my travels and walks this is the first time I had seen a Toad in person. Well I thought that's amazing. In the middle of London. I then entered the pathway to notice another toad. Behind this Toad mating toads one on top of the other, following the other one. Behind these two another. And so on. I immediately realised one does not mess with the Toad. For this reason Toads must be named by a capital T. For they are royalty. Anyway, I swiftly left them to their private business, not wanting to disturb, confident they would safely find their destination.
Later cycling back home, at a busy cross-roads, above the noise of cars I heard the ribbeting of a frog. How was that possible to hear this natural sound above so much noise? Now I thought this is getting ridiculous.

I decided to take a walk on Hampstead Heath. This was not easy as I had battle with the voice inside saying I was bored of walking on the Heath. I knew it and besides it was over populated by people. It wasn't 'wild enough'. None the less I had urged myself on and had managed to get myself to the edge of the Heath via the village. With my mind chattering I noticed that I was walking against the tide. In a slight rain mist, the after lunch time strollers were walking back home to the village. Great, less people I thought and then sighed at myself for having this thought. Oh well onwards. I know I will visit the huge Old Oak Tree by the pond. After sitting against the tree I searched for other Oaks surrounding this one. Sadly I found none and then put out a question. Where to next. And the answer came back the tree near to the bench above the lake.
It was only after the fourth tree that I then realised that I was walking the heath guided by the trees. It was at that moment that I felt lost. And at that moment I realised I had escaped the cage of my chattering. I was walking the heath by root and branch. Not by the human map. I was venturing deeper. Each tree with so much to share. So much witnessed. Each tree interlinked. After following the trees I found myself on the green grass expanse. I found I could trace the line I had walked by the thread pulling me backwards from my heart to the Old Oak Tree. I tested myself. Could I trace this thread from the Old Oak Tree to me. I could not. This knowledge could only be traced from my heart back along the thread. I had managed to silence my head and had found my heart. In fact I was not lost at all.

I had my friends the Bears ~ S and C Bear over the weekend. Neither familiar with London I took them to my local wood Highgate first and Queenswood second. In this order as I was curious to see how much the Bears experience mirrored mine. I remarked how extraordinary it is that this once one woodland now separated from the road, has such completely different atmospheres and characters. The Bears noticed this immediately. Where the first one had lots of space between the trees , with a green open expanse in the middle and being more or less flat. Queenswood {S Bear remarked Queen being female this was of little surprise}with winding paths, twisted tangled trees and a bare space in the middle labelled Witches Coven. We walked on and circled a protected partial fenced area. We were transported to the land of dinosaurs. Ancient. I felt so small. As we walked rat after rat ran in front of our path. One or two rats I thought would have been not surprising. But we had now lost count. Besides were there rats in the time of dinosaurs?.

Yesterday on the bus to Muswell Hill with carefully labelled envelopes for the charity shop with jewellery I had made with semi-precious stones. I was excited to be giving away this treasures. I was sitting above and just behind a mother with her baby boy. I'm not very good at distinguishing whether baby's are boys or girls but I decided yes this was a boy. Healthy fat red cheeks. Bit bored. His attentive mother shifted the angle of his pram so he could observe the world more. Now he was happy. We caught each others eye a few times. I wasn't interested just a baby I thought. After looking around the bus he looked at me and I was aghast. With a cheeky flirtatious grin he twinkled at me
 "Go on I dare you"
"What?"
"Ha ha got ya!"
"Yes you have! Oh my God!".
And he looked away. For those few moments this was no baby. But a man teasing me. And then that man was gone. Instead a baby.
Now I'm used to sensing old souls. And I'm used to babies and toddlers inquisitiveness with me. But this. This was different. I wasn't sure whether I had glimpsed the man that was or would be.

One could find many meanings in all these events. Look into the symbolism of Toads and rats. Read up on rainbow, purple children or reincarnation. Read up on Earth energy lines, Tree Divas or dowsing. Read up on quantum physics and time travel. But for me it is how those experiences felt at the time. How I feel privileged and gifted. I imagine some would say like a child. I love how children can be 'lost' in fascination. Not worrying about time and the 'next to do thing on the list'. Time opens up and with that the possibilities of experiencing and feeling more.

I can remember that when I have been 'late' I have usually bumped into someone I haven't seen for a long while or experience wonders like the migration of the Toad. When I noticed that I had 'lost my mind' on the Heath I chuckled to myself. Usually that is a phrase associated with madness. But for me I felt my experience was akin to those moments in meditation where after a few blissful seconds of being in the moment. My mind has gone only to find myself/my mind chattering again.

Each of these moments were profound. I would describe these experiences as being part of a window into an expanded conscious state. Outside the limitations of the ego mind. Some might describe this as a Shamanic or Magical state of being. My friend Reya encapsulates it with this question "If this was a dream what would it mean?"

Gratitude

When you become one with Source, fear becomes just a strange word without any meaning
♥
http://www.greenyatra.org/
♥

Last weekend on the Healing course at the School of Intuition and Healing ~ http://www.intuitionandhealing.co.uk/index.html ~ 
we had been focusing on the Subtle Bodies which make up the aura/ energy field around the body. One particular exercise I found particularly powerful was when the teacher said words while we focused on our own Subtle Bodies. We were asked to sense any changes be that colour, image or density as she said a series of words which included War, Shame and Love.What I quickly realised was that as soon as an association/feeling/experience was felt with that word, there was an immediate effect on the Subtle Bodies. And more than that, the affect lingered. This exercise gave an invaluable learning that was tangible. More than a theory or idea stuck in the head/ego. This was a learning we could touch and feel. An energy. A vibration.
IAs I have continued my journey of the Black Sun/Dancing with my Shadow this week. One experience has lifted and uplifted me. That is gratitude.
My memory of how that word has been mis-used was rather persistent. Too often the word gratitude would come after 'should'. A threat smothering and denying feelings. Negating it's true meaning. Not surprising this would quickly be followed by a feeling of confusion and guilt. But what was I guilty of?
This confusion of what gratitude could mean caused me to wondered whether my experience could be described as gratitude. And I realised how vital language is. For owning and sharing experience.
I quickly realized my experience was not how I have heard the word being used with the negative phrase of "you will be grateful". Or being said like a dry fill in, padding out the sentence. Or as a throw away flippant "thank you".
My experience was and is as a rush of joyful wonder. A sensuality ready to soak up. A desire to dive in and let go. An awareness of being awake. Fully in the moment. This was and is indeed pleasure. That I felt in my cells. My body experiencing waves when I am connected with Source. And so I have my 8 year old self to thank. And I know that should I experience feelings of despair, isolation or fear. I have in my cellular memories the experience of gratitude. And to call that energy and experience back all one needs to do is to say the word ~ gratitude. And feel that vibration from inside to outside. Outside to inside. Everything carrying sound.

♥

Be careful what you wish for ~

~ because you might just be lucky and find it!

On my last Healing Course training day, a fellow student asked the question, or maybe it was a statement ~ "If we do have previous lives, which we are karmically tied to, what is the point of us not remembering them?". This led to a brief discussion followed by another equally heated point that "we choose our parents". Sometimes I have wondered, if we have not lived more than once but we have memories of past lives; then it could be what Carl Jung described as the Collective Unconscious. When we remember past lives, it is not us we are remembering. We are remembering other's lives and in doing so are remembering how we are interconnected. In fact we are somehow tapping into this pool which is not restricted by time and space. It is if you like a living breathing entity where everything exists now. More than a collective memory. An ongoing co-creation. A recording all of our Spirits. Our Creativity. Our Mystery.

On the Shamanic Workshop which I wrote about recently with Patricia WhiteBuffalo. Patricia shared two interlinked teachings. that the Shamanic Realm is accessed via the Heart Chakra and that this Realm lives in the 4th Astral Realm. This Realm is where after dying the dead first pass into before moving on. It is not restricted by time and space. Other Realms, beings and entities exist there. And in this Realm every thought, feeling, action ~ everything/ energy is recorded with a constant link to those experiences in this realm and she referred to the Heart Chakra sometimes called the 'Rainbow Bridge'. The seat of unconditional love. It is a link between the physical and the spiritual parts of ourselves. Interestingly, this mirrors that of a Shaman, whose role is to be the link between the physical and the spiritual. I enjoyed how Patricia moved between the worlds of contemporary western healing model which has included ancient teachings of the Chakra's with the ancient Shamanic.

With trepidation much energy and enthusiasm I embarked on the Soul Retrieval Workshop - now a full seven days after, I am still experiencing reclaiming this part of my Soul and realize how narrow this head is in it's capacity to fully know, understand or predict experiences. And that is what is joyous and wonder full in life. We are constantly discovering and learning. There is so much new to experience. Which brings me back to the question of my fellow student. I think her question also was asking in forgetting our previous lives don't we loose the lessons we learnt? Surely we then have to start over all again? Well, I would suggest that the answer is yes and no. You see I've realised in the journey of the Soul the is answer often does not fit in the box of either/or, black/white. It is much more complex and rich. It includes all the colours of the rainbow. We return to our Heart.

When we reclaim part[s] of ourselves that were split off ~ following shock or trauma. We bring back all those parts of ourselves that were lost. Memories, feelings, senses and experiences learnt. To use an image from the Shaman I heard talk in St. James
( http://eyesbeloved.blogspot.com/2010/05/melting-ice-in-heart-of-man.html ) This process is a thawing of the heart. It is a painful process from numbness to feeling. We grow new hands that are not made of metal but are flesh and bone pumping with blood from the heart. Able to shape. To touch and be touched.

So what is reclaiming? That part which felt unsafe, abandoned, angry and terrified. That part that had unconsciously soaked up feelings and unclaimed fear from my parents. So much hurt, pain, shame and rage. But what is also imporatnt to remember is that along with the negative/challenging experiences we also reclaim other gifts. When I first saw that 8 year old she was so beautiful. So full of joy and exploration. A lightness and fun which I had forgotten. But she had been trapped in cage partly of her own making and partly made by others. The wild locked away safe from others, the environment. The same story on a loop of a wooden splinter driven deep into the flesh. Repeating the same feelings. Same emotions. Shrunk into a little tiny bird with a little voice, a high pitched song hiding a roar spitting black burning nails.

This child was and is incredibly resilient as are so many. And as pointed out to me today, the body not only can spit out thorns but puts a protection around such foreign entities. Isolating them. Limiting the infection and sometimes transmuting them so that they are digested and excreted out. So, there was a part of this child that chose to split off and escape. Hidden protected.

And so I was taken on the journey again. Physically re-enacting the past. My skin erupting around one small central point. Spiritual, Shamanic stuff really is real! There are no divisions between the Realms; between Mind, Body and Spirit. When we work on one layer of our body the others are linked - The Spiritual, Emotional, Mental, Etheric and Physical. And even more than this. Our internal experience is reflected in our external environment. And so it is not a surprise to me that I have had to fight to get out of my flat due to the door becoming too heavy resulting in the handle being torn off. That despite this dilemma I did in fact get into work only for the computer to crash. One more interesting event happened, which is also significant, was that my Altar had become infected by tiny beasties. On washing my reindeer skin I realized I had to remove it totally. It was infested. No longer was it a piece of leather but it was an animal skin being eaten. Nature was reclaiming. In life there is Death. This for me is a Shamanic way of experiencing being alive. Where all is inter-connected and if you are able to be still - you can sense the layers of teachings - of meanings.

So, though logic and our heads might not understand why most people don't remember their past lives there are I am sure very good reasons why. Sometimes we need that distance to protect ourselves from the pain. And when the time is right, when we are not weighted down by expectations or past assumptions, we have the energy and youthful unknowing, when we are in a safer place in our lives; then we can be more open to another perspective to truly learn and Heal. We have the capacity to grow. Expand. Find that space. To be alive. Reach for the Light. Be reminded in mid-winter that there are seeds waiting in the dark. We are able to reclaim and be more alive.

Silence before Infinite Possibilities

Above: Nikola Tesla is the father of high frequency high voltage electricity which is used today in radio and other communication devices ~ 1899 Nikola Tesla sits below the Tesla Coil in his Colorado Spring Laboratory. The coil creates millions of volts of electricity with a frequency rate of 100,000 alterations per second.(1)

***

If we understood the power of our thoughts,
we would guard them more closely.
If we understood the awesome power of our words,
we would prefer silence to almost anything negative.
In our thoughts and words we create
our own weaknesses and our own strengths.
Our limitations and joys begin in our hearts.
We can always replace negative with positive.

~ Bettie Eadie (from 'Embraced By the Light') ~

***
By choosing your thoughts,
and by selecting which emotional currents you will release
and which you will reinforce,
you determine the quality of your Light.
You determine the effects that you will have upon others,
and the nature of the
experiences of your life.

~ Gary Zukav - from "Seat Of The Soul" ~ (2)

1. Telsa Memorial Society of New York http://www.teslasociety.com/

2. Pearls of Wisdom http://www.sapphyr.net/index.htm

Home is where the Heart is

"One of the following is true:

• Every breath you take contains an atom breathed out by Marilyn Monroe


• There is a liquid that can run uphill


• You age faster at the top of a building than at the bottom


• An atom can be in many different places at once, the equivalent of you being in New York and London at the same time


• The entire human race would fit in the volume of a sugar cub


• One per cent of the static on a television tuned between stations is the relic of the Big Bang


• Time travel is not forbidden by the laws of physics


• A cup of coffee weighs more when it is hot than when it is cold


• The faster you travel, the slimmer you get.

No, I'm joking. They are all true!" ( 'Quantum Theory Cannot Hurt You' by M. Chown)

Since Friday my attention has been drawn to the same question/dilemma from 3 different sources. First was on Friday http://www.diaryofapsychichealer.com/ and the question whether mythical beings were real. Second was on a Shamanic workshop last Saturday where one attendee was caught in the struggle around questioning whether his experiences were just his imaginings and lastly was today on the blog http://greenmanramblings.blogspot.com/ where the post introduced the experience/idea of being able to commune/communicate and have intimate relationships with plants. So what is real?

I have walked along various disciplines and paths. Some paths I have skipped along. Some I have ventured on briefly, others I return to again and again. These paths have included various disciplines within the vast umbrella of Buddhism, Shamanism, Paganism, Anthropology, Psychology, Psychic studies, New Age, Feminism and Radical Politics. I have found that having this range of explorations creates its own momentum of being open and curious. Discovering new ideas and experiences and finding old ones refreshed and vitalised. The negative is that I can struggle in trying to find parallel contexts and interpretations when visiting these different worlds. The danger or challenge can lead to being misunderstood and at worse marginalised.

If for instance I have an experience under the 'Shamanic' umbrella and I try to share my experience within a Psychological context or Psychic context; there is not necessarily an equivalent experience within those worlds. Even if the experience might be known in the different worlds there is not a shared understanding or language. Not only can this be rather frustrating for both parties but this has created confusion and conflict within myself. Because if certain experiences are misunderstood or marginalisation this can lead to denial of the experience. This is a loss. Loss of the self and the soul's voice. This can even occur with those of non malicious intent. Because we are all conditioned by the environment ~ our families and our societies into belief structures and behaviours. We take them on consciously and unconsciously.

During this weekend I heard from a woman from Native American and European descent ~ Patricia White Buffalo ~ sharing her perspective on prejudice and persecution. She said the persecution of the Native Americans from the White Europeans was foremost about Land ownership. While for the White Europeans on White Europeans ~ Christians persecution of Pagans ~ it was about occupation of our souls ~ beliefs. For this reason White Europeans have more fear around Shamanism. We have more fear buried in our bodies about being in our bodies and are disconnected to the land and Spirit. 

So this led me to ponder....If you have never known the experience of being in your body grounded and connected, then can you know what you are seeking? I think yes. But it can take time to get to that place of peace. Without being truly present, in one's body, connected to the earth then one is not able to connect with Spirit. One is homeless and isolated. Like a tree the further the roots go down the further the branches reach up.

Not only are we battling against the weight of societies historical oppression, but many of us have and are battling with traumas in childhood. And this is not surprising as both are interlinked for violence whether in the home our outside are reflections of each other. This cocktail blocks our senses. The body shuts down partially or totally some or many senses of smell, taste, hearing, sight and touch. We learn to filter out experience like annoying sounds. They become background noise. Such as the sound of a barking deer in the night which would be an annoyance because we would be kept awake and tired for work. Or like when we discuss law suites with our neighbours because they cut the fence down when it was on their right side not their left. Both sides ignoring the plight of the nesting birds.

So many of us are only partially experiencing and are not fully present then the questions of whether stones feel, do plants have souls, are there faeries at the bottom of the garden, are Unicorns made up fantasies, or do trees sing become ridiculous. Childhood tales. But, what if these experiences were not metaphors, collective unconscious beliefs or superstitions? How can we know the answer when we do not have the understanding, the language and are weighed down by beliefs, and fears of oppression which we carry in our cells and memories? The dilemma and the solution is that this numbness not only protects us from feeling the pain from our own personal and collective histories but also our pleasures, joys and gifts. And solution is found through the gentle breath of compassion, love and trust soflty fanning the flame buried deep in the secret chamber of the heart. I believe this flame is always there. Can never be put out.

Where does magic and science begin and start? How many people does it take for shared experiences to become real and not mass shared hallucinations? We believe there are energy waves that carry information which we don't hear. Because we all turn on our radios and outcomes sounds which we all verify as the same. That's not magic but science. Could it not be both magical and science? Could not our imaginings also be reality? Where are the lines between thought, meaningful stare and words spoken?........

1. Quantum Theory Cannot Hurt You. A Guide to the Universe. By Marcus Chown.

2. Patricia White Buffalo. BeHeavenOnEarth.com