Dare to feel. Dare to Care.

"Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience. Taking responsability for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them" ~ Byron Katie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5fOvcta3Ws&feature=related ~ Peter Gabriel 'Digging in the Dirt'.

When in discussions on peaceful ways to responding to violence I have found this question is often posed: "What would you do if a person had a gun and was going to threaten to kill someone?". And the people asking this sometimes go on to add ~ "Because you do not want to harm them; would a peaceful response mean just standing by and not intervening? Would you stand by and let them kill others?" Not surprisingly I have found myself struggling to respond.

I have heard a a range of answers. One which I have found very moving is that a peaceful person would stand in front the person with the gun. They would risk their own lives to protect others. Selflessly. That it is the vacancy of fear that breaks the cycle of violence. And on hearing this I have pondered whether I could do such a thing, whether I could act not out of fear. And to be honest my answer has been that I am not confident that I could.

Then I remembered a time when I saw two young men deep in a very bloody fight. I went straight up to them and split both of them a part. They stopped. I didn't shout. I felt no fear. Just a desire for them to stop hurting each other. I was with another who when we left the two young men was enraged with me for intervening. He had watched on in fear for himself and me. He said to me what if one of them had turned on you with a knife? Or had a gun? He said I was stupid because I did not think of my own safety or his. I responded that I wanted them to know that someone cared. That it was not OK. That I did not want them to hurt. I remember feeling this very strongly.

I also remember many a time when I was a child where my father would be submerged in a mad rage. And I use the word mad as I now consider he had lost his self and sanity. Such was his level of madness he had at one time almost killed my mother. And if I think if he had a gun when he 'lost it' what then? If someone had stepped in would love and compassion have touched his true self through the madness?

Back to the question. This pondering then led me to ask why were people so frequently posing this question. I began to realize that this question kept me in a mental bind/dead end, that saw the violent act in isolation. Could this question, this moral dilemma be in fact a trap which would not help in finding responses to violence? In fact in order to respond to violence and create peaceful loving living maybe what is needed is a different approach. And this could lead to different questions being asked. Could the question itself actually be part of the problem of how violence is seen?

Growing up in a violent family I have only recently began to appreciate how this has given me much insight, with regards to violence. This journey continues and so far has taken over 20 years of searching to understand. And I am sure I have more to learn, more healing will occur and with that further understanding. Key to this learning and discovery is how the violent act follows after a range of non physical violent behaviours. This abuse can come in the form of emotional, psychological and mental communications. The hit is like a confirmation of all that has been before. The violent physical act is like a locking of a door. And it's key is control carved out of fear.

The other main insight I learnt was that after I had become a victim of an abusive relationship was that I had internalised the oppressor/aggressor as well as the victim. Some describe this as a Shadow part. And that this Shadow had two faces both the oppressor and aggressor. Which like a cloaked figure whispers words; giving a warped view on the world. I also realized ~ How else could I have accepted someone else treating me like this if I had not this Shadow inside?. If I had not normalized violence. The healing for me was to see this cycle of violence. To see that I could step outside of the violence. I had choice. I had power.

I think we need to see physical violence as a symptom and not cause. If we do then I think we begin to see that violence is not just a physical act, but in fact part of a much more complex problem which we all can be locked into. Because we are all connected. And because we are all connected then we all have power to create positive change. Physical violence comes after a long history of behaviours which can be as subtle as a thought expressed in word or even a look. It is generational in families and in societies. If we see that violence is not an isolated act done by evil individuals, then we can also see the connections that led to the violence. We there by step out of blame and into sharing responsibility. This is an empowered place to be. A place of believing and knowing that we all can have a positive impact.

Violence is normalized and accepted in our society. Children are taught this at home and in school. The highs of the emotional intensity that we see daily in our press, on the TV, in our films is an addiction covering up pain, loss and isolation. It is deeply dysfunctional that violence is romanticised through endless disaster movies and violent computer games. So many have a need to forget they have a disconnection to true self, that is expressed through the numbing of pain that is created by and creates violence. It can be a vicious cycle.

So when we are given moral dilemmas like this question, I would suggest stepping back and asking why this question is being asked. What might be the hidden agendas? That in fact there is another way in responding which adds to further understanding. That address the causes. Enabling more ways to heal. More ways to step in earlier. More ways to prevent the violence because we will be more equipped to respond, having addressed potential wounds in ourselves and in our own relationships and ultimately in our societies. We can see how all of us can have an affect by sharing ownership and responsibility. We can step outside the duality of them and us. How though it might seem fear has the upper hand ~ healing is possible. We then will be more empowered ourselves and able to support one another, in being in a place of compassion. Out of Love.

Yes it can be painful thawing the ice. But unless we thaw our hearts not only will we not feel the pain inflicted on ourselves and other humans, but also our beautiful nature and planet.

After I had split the two young men up, I heard that they later on went back and started fighting again. This was when I was out of their view. So I leave with this thought what do I choose to focus on. That they continued with their violence or that for that moment they stopped. That they saw that some one cared?

I believe that we create life how we want it. So I believe in the power of love. I believe it is never impossible. I believe it is never too late.

So mote it be.

A link to Gene Sharp whose work has been so influential as has been read by activists in Egypt. The Albert Einstein Institution.
http://www.aeinstein.org/

and a wonderful book:
"Small Acts of Resistance. How Courage, Tenacity, and Ingenuity Can Change the World." Steve Crawshaw & John Jackson.

1 Giant Leap - Wounded In All The Right Places (Feat. K.D. Lang)

Wounded Angel ~ Emily Young 2003 ~ Kew

*

And the Angel loved us so much

His wings burnt as his passion and love for us grew

As he fell.

Knowing that as deep as he sang

Into our hearts of the earth.

The nearer we were to remembering our own wings

Beating so close to our beloved.

As we look inside we come alive to the night.

As we look to the night we come alive to the light.

As we look into the earth we remember the star burning bright.

In our hearts

My beloved.

We are all Wounded Angels

Silver Fox May 2010

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http://www.etsy.com/shop/elsita

Learning to Sing

There is a brokenness out of which comes the unbroken, a shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterable. There is a sorrow beyond grief which leads to joy and a fragility out of whose depths emerges strength. There is a hollow space too vast for words through which we pass with each loss, out of whose darkness we are sanctioned into being. There is a cry deeper than all sound whose serrated edges cut the heart as we break open to the place inside which is unbreakable and whole, while learning to sing

Rashani (via sacred graffiti)

Song of the Watcher & The Star

Song of the Watcher

On a hilltop against the star
Are columns of granite, rudely hewn;
Set in a lofty ring,
Upholding architraves:
Stones of unequal size
Between which blaze the stars;
Orange, steel blue, and vivid green,
As beads of dew on sunlit grass.

On a hilltop against the stars
Alone on the altar stone,
I shake out my nets of song
To catch the stars therein.
The stars of midnight joyously
Blaze like the flame of midday
That kindled in my heart;
They leap and trail out wide arcs down the sky.

On a hilltop against the stars,
In the roofless sanctuary,
Wakens the sacrificial fire
From the blazing stars drawn down.
The stars that were caught and fallen
In my flung net of song,
Kindle upon the altar-stone
The sacred blaze, apart.

On a hilltop against the stars
I dreamless sleep on the smooth grey altar-stone;
And the songs in my heart are as winds that go through the world,
The fires of my life are as stars that sing round the walls;
Bright centuries keeping watch, they grow
drowsy, the stones of the temple look dim,
And the world will soon foret the song of the
watcher of the stars.
But I shall sleep, still shrouded, on the broad
grey altar-stone.
Till tow eternities meet together, the shadows
of life and of death.

***

The Star

There was a star which watched upon my
birth.
The great blue peaks were shrouded,
The sea was merged in haze, but, far apart,
There shone a single star.
And it burned steadily,
Watching through the night in silence;
It hung above the dusk
Whence I secretly came forth.

The peaks in the morning
Had thundered for creation;
The green sea had risen,
And swept clean the strand.
Now the wide earth was silent,
And silent the horizen;
When, between the ninth wave and the land,
I was brought forth.

There was a star which watched upon my coming,
I put forth my hand to seize it;
And, instantly the sky
Broke, and was ribbed with light;
Lightening ran down the peaks and smote the narrow valleys,
Wandering blue flames flickered about the
coastline,
The mountains danced in scarlet,
The earth roared with deep joy.

There is single star that burns to-night far in
the longely heavens;
The sea is hidden beneath it;
The mountains draw their capes of grey wool
closely about their shoulders;
There is no breath of wind.
Only the thought of one coming
Over the oceans in silence,
Wandering under a darker star
Than that which saw my birth.

***

John Gould Fletcher ~ The Black Rock ~ 1928

Emerging~Song